My Girl is turning 4! How Being a Mom Changed my Life

Today I had this huge urge to write about my girl and how being a mom has changed my life. You see, she’s turning 4 and I have no idea how that happened. I mean, I still feel like it was yesterday when I had to wake up my hubby at 5 am telling him it was time to go to the hospital, that she was coming. I still feel like it was only yesterday I pushed with all my strength to bring to this word my most loved little human being. How can she be turning 4 already?

My Girl is turning 4! How Being a Mom Changed my Life

My Girl is turning 4! How Being a Mom Changed my Life

If you are a mommy like me reading this then you probably know what I’m talking about and know the feeling. When we become a mom, our whole world changes and also changes the way we see the world and our lives!

Being a mommy has been the biggest bless I’ve ever had and God knows how thankful I am to have her. Sometimes I even try to figure out how among so much imperfection and mistakes made, that so hard relationship I’ve always had with my mom, with all those bad decision, I could ever have deserve such a perfect and amazing little human being. What did I do so right that I could create inside me that amazing little girl?

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Em never stops surprising me with her huge heart and capacity of understanding of her surrounding. I’ve got from her at her short age more support and love than I have in my entire life. She’s the kind of person that when I lay down in my bed out of bedtime {that is not something that happens very often}, she asks me “Mommy are you ok” me: yes love, just a little headache. She would go to my bedroom door and close it, then to the bathroom and close the door too so my bedroom would be darker and lay down next to me absolutely quiet, just there hanging with me!

She sees me making all these things for her birthday party, and she would tell me “Mommy I love everything that you are making, thank you! I love it!” over and over again. I have the bleesing and pleasure to hear her saying all the time: “Mommy I love you so much!!!” How would I not want to make anything for her?… know what I mean?

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I love watching her sleep, you know! When she’s sleeping I feel so many things, I see my own personal angel. I feel so loved and the love I feel is too big to contain it. It’s such connection I can barely understand. Sometimes she’s playing by herself and we look at each other and it’s like we know what we are thinking and we just laugh and she keeps playing and I keep working. Seeing her grow is priceless. When she sleeps I keep looking at her trying to figure out what did I do to deserve her!

This kind of makes me think about my relationship with my mom. It’s been so hard, ever since I can remember. I don’t think I could ever understand why we never had that connection. The only time I actually felt it was while I was pregnant. Maybe that was God’s plan, I just haven’t figured it out yet. I would love with all my heart to have had this connection I have with Em, with my mom. I never thought, based on my own experience, that being a mom could make you love and fear so fiercely at the same time.

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Yes, I fear too. I fear something could happen to Em. I fear I won’t be able to protect her from everything, although I will always try, I fear to see her heart broken, I fear not being there for her when she needs me, I fear making mistakes that might hurt our connection, most of all, I fear leaving her too soon. Why? Because we take life for granted and we don’t know when can be the last day or what words can be the last spoken.

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Why do I feel this you may ask? Well many things that have happened around me have made me thinking. A couple friends of my mom’s, died, just like that. One of them was found dead without specific reasons. Recently I read about Chocholate, Chocolate and more blog’s writer story. She went to bed and never woke up. That’s too hard to take in. And recently we all got the scare of our lives when doctors found something weird on my mom’s breast.

I avoided thinking about it, I acted like nothing was going on, I just didn’t want to even give the chance that she could be going through all that mess of cancer, and I hated it. Just the thought of loosing her was killing me.

Then it also hit me, If she had it, I could have chances too. I tried to make it seem not so important or less probable. The truth is that I got so scared and not because of me, but because of my girl. Just the thought of going through all that, making her go through all that and maybe not making it scared the heck out of me.

Then the final results of biopsy came and thank God, mom was fine, healthy and with nothing to worry about. Mom started crying with such deep feelings, I think we all realized how scared we were in that very moment. I realized I was in complete denial. I didn’t want to give it the chance to be real.

But when all that stress was gone, I started thinking about how life is. Life is unpredictable. Only God knows when it’s time and we have little saying on it. We can have a long, long happy life or we can just be called and that’s it. We don’t have anything granted and we all should realize that and enjoy more each day, not letting small stupid things take away happiness, letting stupid arguments be the last things we say. We should cherish and enjoy the beautiful things life gives us.

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My little girl is that beautiful thing to cherish and enjoy!… She’s not a thing I know, but you get the point LOL. She’s what makes me start each day, she’s my motivation, she’s the light that brightens my path. She makes me want to be better; she makes me keep fighting for our dreams and goals. My girl is the most beautiful and perfect person in my whole world. I don’t care if she gets intense, spoiled, trying to get things her way, even if she behaves badly sometimes. She’s still perfect for me, I‘m proud of her, I’m proud of each step she takes, of every mistake she fixes, of the amazing strength she has and of every single accomplishment she gets.